A Draft of Our Own:

First Pick: Young Midwest Arms (right handed)

I’m not looking forward to typing Misiorowski, but boy can Jacob Misiorowski move it. Touched 102mph. Outdueled Paul Skenes. The NL Central is home to Skenes, Misiorowski, and now Chase Burns. Seamheads are plugged into the velo coming out of the Midwest.

2. The Hawks

In a world where the Bucks, Celtics, and Pacers have their stars sidelined by Achilles implosions, the Hawks are taking a page from the Magic and going for it in 2025. I support! Get Porzingis. Use your $25m trade exception for another stud. Be deep - it matters as much as stars. An aside, the Hawks are owned by PE Billionaire Tony Ressler. He’s now 10 years in (the same length as a typical PE fund). There’s a premium for selling winning teams. Surely he isn’t seeing valuations spike and hoping to drum up a playoff run before a flip.

3. Partying with the Panthers

$500k bar tab comped at E11Even in Miami. I hate typing that name too, but good on the boys for getting off the ice and healing up.

Last: NFL Owners Colluding Against Lamar Jackson

This is spicy and will undoubtedly go uncovered by the League’s media partners. There’s a released lawsuit alleging the owners have been colluding to keep salaries down. Very linear. Obvious stuff you know goes on. Okay, okay. I won’t rush to judge. Give me a week. KMARK INVESTIGATES. Immediate reaction in the Court of KMARK: Owners guilty.

You will not get Steals, Busts, Gems, WINNERS AND LOSERS of the Draft. Remember, GM’s are incredibly bad at identifying talent. Why would analysts be any better? Yes, there’s a correlation between draft position and future success, but No, it’s a not perfect distribution and the league is currently brimming with MVP’s picked outside the top 10 (Giannis, Jokic, SGA).

It’s my J-O-B to tell you what went down and why. Only time will tell which of these 19yr olds will become the next Kobe.

Coop

Numero Uno in the hearts of Mainos and all of Dallas. A perfect continuation of Maine Summer. A breath of fresh air for Dallas. I am not looking forward to seeing Mavs jerseys when I take my Hinkley out past Cape Elizabeth. DANG!

Ace

Ace, my boy, jeez did you not want to go to Utah (or Philly). Ace was the New Shedeur, but at least he’s guaranteed millions and has access to great skiing. After refusing interviews, skipping workouts, and telegraphing his dreams of being a Wizard (weird), Ace will start his career out west.

Khaman Maluach

Never fall in love with one player unless he’s 7’2’’. That’s Draft 101. Maluach would’ve been last year’s number one pick which is terrible analysis since everyone picked before him also might’ve gone first in 2024. What confuses me is that all these shitty teams picking in the top 10 apparently don’t need an obvious future NBA center? How? The Hornets promptly traded Mark Williams (again), skipped taking Maluach at 4, and now have no one in the middle. But, that’s why they’re the Hornets.

Hansen Yang

The same analysis as above plus China. If you think a nation of 1 billion Kobe obsessed people can’t produce NBA stars, then the 2030s are going to be a weird time for you. I absolutely love this pick. Grind the tape brothers. What more does a 7 footer need to do.

I have DEEP CONTENT pending about the draft. If anyone needs a research project, reach out. To tease, the correlation between draft pick and future production is weakening (and the weakening is accelerating). My hypothesis: the world is just too big to canvas. It’s hard to scout China, Africa, Eastern and Western Europe and America. It’s how Jokic falls to 41. It’s why an American hasn’t won the MVP in the last 7 years. For now, get yourself a Yang rookie card. Could be the next XRP.