There’s two defenses of the Clippers floating around:

1. Steve Ballmer was conned.

2. Steve Ballmer would never be this stupid.

Defense #1 is accurate, but doesn’t have anything to do with the Kawhi situation. Defense #2 is just plain wrong. Steve Ballmer isn’t stupid! He’s very sharp. But sharp people do stupid shit. Mark Cuban came to Ballmer’s defense but his only plausible reasoning is that Steve wouldn’t have been dumb enough to let this company fail. Steve would know that a list of creditors would emerge and he’d be caught. WRONG. Steve was smart enough not to continue to float a fraudulent, bankrupt, failing company. He was smart enough not to piss any more than $50m down the drain. Cuban is positing that Ballmer would bankroll hundreds of employee salaries, marketing, operations, etc…just to preserve his scam deal with Kawhi? C’mon.

The Clippers are definitely guilty. I expect more details to emerge as the NBA investigates (and checks notes with the Feds). Are they screwed? I don’t know yet. They can be caught, but not screwed at the same time. The nuance of the situation is that the punishment is a challenge to determine. Void Kawhi’s contract and he’ll walk to the Warriors for the mid-level exception. No team in the League has cap space. He’ll pick a new team and be forced into a radically under-market deal. Who wins in that? Fine the Clippers. Sure. What is the number that makes Steve Ballmer feel any regret for his actions (and Kawhi’s). $80 billion? Would that do it. No, and the league can’t do that. Draft picks? I guess. The Clips barely use theirs anyway. There are predetermined penalties negotiated into the CBA for this type of malfeasance. They aren’t much. $4-$5m and a first round pick. The punishment for this situation needs to be 20x. Is that something Adam Silver has the power to do? We’re about to find out. Well. Not me (the Lakers), but the Clips are squarely in the Find Out portion of Fuck Around and Find Out.

Cue the damn music. After a tumultuous off-season contract dispute with KMARK Leadership (summer break in Martha’s Vineyard… more of a holding IN situation), your boy HP is back with his pen and a lucrative new deal, ready to flex into a variety of sporting topics desperately in need of your immediate attention.

Clams. Lobster. Chorizo. Potatoes. Sweet Corn. Lemons. Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album slamming through the speakers.

All essential ingredients of a New England clambake. A Summer Stew, if you will. Every ingredient plays a crucial and iconic role. As the summer winds down (much to my dismay), I’d like to walk us through some equally crucial and, in some cases, iconic programming across the sporting zeitgeist. Our very own Summer Stew. Grab it while it’s hot.

From New England to Regular England: The EPL is back after printing £3.6B in summer transfer fees. That’s roughly the GDP of Aruba, for those keeping score at home. The season’s first international break is upon us, which gives this backlogged writer plenty of runway to follow up with a banger of an EPL preview next week, full of backdated takes and unbiased analysis (I’m a Gooner… not that kind). With our newfound Culture of Accountability, you can rest easily knowing that article will hit your inbox well in advance of deadline. 

Speaking of back: American Football – maybe you’ve heard of it? College ball is off to a preposterously compelling start with defenses ruling the day and a natty that truly feels up for grabs. The Adult Men Playing Football got off to a HOT start last night before I could crack open the buffalo chicken dip. No double dipping (that’s a saliva joke). The NFL is king, and I suspect its hold on our attention spans will only strengthen throughout the season. KMARK has this block covered and then some. 

Meaningful Baseball. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Most divisions and wild card spots are still up for grabs, and while our resident Cubs and Dodgers here at KMARK might Stink Outloud, we’re still fired up to watch the season chase come to a head. Sidenote: Can someone tell me why shortening the season from 162 to 154 would make one iota of a difference to anyone? We’re talking about one week. Gonna need KMARK to weigh in as the seasoned labor dispute professional on staff. 

Cup Galore: You’re telling me Cypress Point is the appetizer? An utterly ridiculous stage for what might fly under the radar as one of the world’s great sporting events– help yourself to some primetime enjoyment of the Walker Cup this weekend between your football binges. I have nothing material to offer when it comes to breaking down the teams or educating you on the importance of the event itself. But if you’ve ever felt anything on a golf course, you’re bound to find immense joy watching the world’s best amateurs team up and tee off at perhaps the finest golf course our country has to offer the world. Pinot Noir Golf in primetime. H/T to the following YouTube publications that can help you wet your whistle. And before you ask, no, I’m not interested in a “match” between the “Fore Play Guys” desecrating a dream opportunity to play Cypress.